nycandlove blog

You’re bored at work. You’re sitting in front of the computer and you have a first date in the next few days. Should you Google? Heck, it’ll only take a minute. It’s really easy. So you do it. You google your would-be sweetheart. Then comes the hard part. You have to pretend you didn’t.

Here’s the thing. It used to be that blind dates were blind. You wouldn’t know what the person looked like before you met. If you were lucky, the so-called matchmaker would have a polaroid picture.  But you’d have to remind them to bring it next time you got together. And if you actually asked more than once for the photo, they’d probably rescind the initial offer anyway.

These days, things are a bit different. We have to be careful on dates not to accidentally say, “oh we shouldn’t go to the Standard Beer Garden after dinner — you were just there last weekend for Adam’s birthday.” This is because we’ve probably spent numerous hours stalking them on facebook. We spend more time trying to get the password of a friend that’s friends with him on the book then we do actually getting ready for the date itself. And if you’re not on facebook? Well, we may not go out with you anyway because that just seems fishy and sketchy.

Bottom line? The blind date as we (or our parents) knew it is dead. One will never again have to stand at the bar and pray that every 5’2″ guy with adult acne and white-wash jeans isn’t he’s-a-little-odd-but-he-might-be-a-nice-guy Joe.

It’s just a given. The amount of information available to us is insane. Heck, even if you have a common last name like Cohen, a few google searches and we can usually find the RIGHT Cohen. That being said, just because it’s out there, to what extent should we actually indulge? Well, there really are solid arguments on the “how much stalking can you do until it’s creepy” debate. On one hand, the less “blind” the date, the more your expectations will ruin it. You risk building it up in your mind and it falling short of what you’re expecting. On the other hand, many of us would rather know the person is a weirdo or is balding before we get our hopes up too much.

To be completely honest, I’ve been involved in both approaches. Prior to some “blind” dates, I’ve gone all Richard Ramirez on his ass and consequently probably have the FBI on my tail. Here’s the problem with that though. Sometimes, we spot something on the Web about our date that makes us cringe. When that happens, we can either wait it out for an explanation or cancel.  But sometimes, it’s Bachelor No. 2, please. Yeah, you know you’ve been in that dilemma before. Other times. I’ve purposefully avoided all (ok, fine, most) stalking opportunities in an effort to keep an open mind.

Here’s the thing. I often wonder if perhaps we’re missing out. Because maybe there’s supposed to be some right-of-passage about the experience of going on a blind date. Maybe we’re meant to grow from those experiences and become more knowledgeable about what we’re looking for. But then again, no one really wants to go through that anxiety and stress. And at the end of the day, it’s your choice. You get to decide just how blind you want it to be.

My recommendation? Stalk with a bit of caution. And just make sure not to mention that your best friend goes to Yale with his younger sister before he discloses that information to you on his own.