nycandlove blog

If you read On Dating and Communication, then you know how I feel about technology’s role in dating. What I didn’t really get into is that having all these modes of communication available to us can be a double edged sword. Because sometimes, communication can be creepy – specifically when it is conducted over multiple avenues at the same time.

Some examples from my life as of recent (note – Good and Bad are NOT the same person):

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Good: BBM

Bad: Simultaneously calling and sending a Gchat saying “Pick up.”

*Bad Bonus – I don’t remember ever giving him my phone number

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Good: IMing with me using a made up language I invented with my brother

Bad: After ignoring his (1) phone call and (2) instant messages (which were sent through [dating site] – which is NOT even how we know each other – when we are already Gchat friends), TEXTING me to say “Hey where’d you go?”

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Good: “Liking” my updates and photos on Facebook

Bad: Literally two seconds after I post pictures of me running a race on Facebook, rather than comment/Like there or Gchat (which would have been acceptable since he was obviously at his computer), he TEXTS me and says “Didn’t know you were a runner … very cool”

*Bad Bonus – My dating profile on the site we did not meet on but where he instant messaged me says I am a runner, as does my Facebook page/photos where we were also friends. You say you love social media? You want to date me? Do your f*cking research.

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Good: dfilm.com

Bad: Facebook messaging our mutual friend (the real way we know each other) and asking, “What’s the deal with your friend d? She seems kinda flaky. ”

More Bad: Facebook messaging same mutual friend two minutes after that, saying “I just defriended her on Facebook. Can you ask her what’s up? She’s cute, she’s into social media and she’s a runner. Hook a brother up.”

Most Bad: A Jewish guy saying “hook a brother up.”

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Um, what did he want my friend to do? Send me a note:

Do you like my friend? Check one: yes__ no__ ambivalent__?

Not only that, but he humiliated my friend. She did a really nice thing for telling me about him and vouching that he is a great guy. She had no idea he was like this. She hopes I don’t judge her for being so wrong about him. And I don’t – there is no way she could have known that he just doesn’t get it.

Either you get it or you don’t. Having an interest in social media and communication does not necessarily mean you have a knack for it. Those who get it have an innate understanding on how to do it right. And hey, I’m all for using multiple communication methods – just not all at once. Especially not when I am ignoring one or more.

Why not message ME first instead of my friend? What grade are we in now? If he really wanted to know what was up, he could act like a grown up and ask me. I might not answer your phone call, but I’d be more inclined to gently tell you I am not interested over email. Also? If he didn’t creep me out, maybe I would have given him a chance. I can’t say for sure, but what I can say is that being bombarded by all modes of communication at the same time really freaked me out and told me this was not a guy I ever wanted to know.

A hilarious blogger lives by the following motto and it is one we can all stand to benefit from:

Don’t be ridiculous.

This guy called me while Gchatting me to tell me to pick up his phone call. He saw my Facebook pics the very moment I posted them and instead of commenting/Liking via Facebook or Gchatting, he texted me! I felt suffocated by this relationship before I even met him! He was, to put it simply, ridiculous.

You made your own bed. Now have fun lying in it – alone.

Ever been overwhelmed by too much communication? We want to hear your stories!