Welcome to 2010. Yes, I know we’ve been in this year for a few months now, but over the past month I’ve gotten a taste of what it is like to date in the year 2010. Up until now, the last time I was single was in 2008. And here’s what’s different:
Dating in 2010 is all about constant communication.
We have Gchat, BBM, SMS, MMS, BlackBerrys, iPhones, Droids, AIM, iPads, the list goes on and on. Not that we didn’t have most of these technologies in 2008, but they were far less in-your-face then they are now.
To me, this is a great thing. I love constant communication. I have a few friends I email all day throughout my work day with anything funny or interesting I come across on the internet. I get so excited when their replies show up in my inbox. When I want to communicate, I want it now. Immediate validation.
So what happens when you bring this attitude to dating?
Let’s talk about Mike.
Mike and I started talking on [dating site] instant message and the conversation went so well, we moved it over to Gchat, where we proceeded to talk for a very long time. I stayed up far past my bedtime. The next morning, I was on my way to the airport for a long weekend away with my family when my BlackBerry buzzes with a Gchat. From Mike!
Eeeek! Swoon!
Of course I am thrilled. I smile and I write back. We end up Gchatting all the way to the airport and through security. I get on the airplane and spring the $10 for plane internet (I really did have some work to do), and we talk on there too. We Gchat throughout my whole trip. We also exchange phone numbers for SMS/MMS purposes. I texted him photos of my margaritas. He called me and we spoke on the phone. While I was on vacation.
It was intense. We even joked (over Gchat, obv) that this was better than dating because we can’t get annoyed with each other. I was landing back home in NYC on a Monday night, and we had plans to meet that Wednesday.
When I got home, we both couldn’t wait until Wednesday and instead we met that same night. He was adorable and he clearly really liked me. He touched my knee under the table a couple of times until he reached for my hand under the table and held that. We kissed on the corner and as soon as I got in the taxi to go home he texted to tell me what a great time he had.
Long story short, the communication continued to be constant. It all felt so natural, so easy, SO fun.
Until one Saturday I woke up and I knew. I just knew. Mike was done. Call it d’s intuition. I felt a different vibe in the air. No, not that kind of vibe.
The following work week the Gchats, when they did happen (and they did — I would wait it out and eventually Mike would always message me) felt forced, difficult. Mike was done with me and I knew it. The following Saturday, after a full week of dealing with the stress of just knowing, Mike finally decided to finally inform me that we were, in fact, done. His main reason? We communicated too much and too fast.
This is the way I see it: If it’s right, it’s right, and there’s not much either of us could have done to change that.
It was a great couple of weeks with Mike. We were both having fun and I just didn’t want to STOP having the fun. Are our frequent talks via electronic signals the reason for our demise? Honestly, I don’t think so. I think that if he felt we were right, he would have wanted to continue on with the fun too.
What do you think? Too much too soon, or it wouldn’t have worked anyway?
And that leads me to my next question.
What happens when I find myself in another constant communication situation?
Because, um, I’m kind of in it again. I promise I’m not an idiot! The circumstances are very different. But that is not even the point. The thing that I realized from this heartbreaking (I am dramatic, yes) ordeal is that I AM communication. I love the immediacy of the internet. I love Twitter. I love GChat and BBM and emailing my favorite friends during the day.
Constant communication is a part of who I am.
So as I begin to find myself in the same situation regarding communication — and keep in mind it is in no way ALL me, it wasn’t all on me with Mike and it isn’t now — here is what I am struggling with:
Part of me doesn’t want to make the same mistakes again. But the other part thinks being myself isn’t a mistake.
What are YOUR thoughts?
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5 Comments
I have made this same mistake… or is it a mistake? Good question. When things go TOO FAST TOO SOON there is a rush of emotion that is a lot of fun. I think it’s important not to let that rush get out of hand. This way when things get “normal”, which they will, it doesn’t feel like the relationship is dead and boring.
I’ll also say that regardless or the over-analyzation of these emotions…it’s probably true that if the person is right for you, nothing you do can be wrong. Be crazy, over communicate, don’t think… if you’re meant to be it’ll happen.
Being yourself was not a mistake. There are plenty of men out there who are all about the constant communication. You are right, if he really was into the relationship, he would not have minded all the emailing and Gchatting.
I like you went in as yourself. What’s the point of playing games and hiding things unless you’re 15 years old? The mere fact that this dude had a change in behavior with the “communication” thing makes me feel that:
a) He found out something about you (thru the grapevine/internet?) that he didn’t like
b) His boys have been analyzing the gchats and offered some bad advice/analysis
c) There was a particular conversation you guys had that he looked too much into
Oh well. Like Jay Z says, “On to the next one”.
Hi Brownman –
Thanks for your comment. There was actually more that he said that I didn’t write on here (yet!), but I really think the crux was that he just felt in his gut we weren’t right for each other. Which is fine! I actually agree, now that I am so over it
Well then…consider me standing corrected. At least until we learn more about this.