nycandlove blog

Jewish adolescents from Long Island and their adjacent Queens neighborhoods experience their first foray into that which is sexual at Jewish sleepaway camp. It is a practically universal experience which involves leaving home for eight weeks to make out with – and touch the private parts of – other likeminded (read: horny) preteens in upstate New York, the Berkshires or Massachusetts.

I never went to Jewish sleepaway camp.

Instead, I chose to stay at home with my mom (What? Who WAS I?!) and go to the same Jewish day camp that I’d gone to since kindergarten. Apparently, I thought I loved it and had no desire to go to sleepaway when offered the opportunity, despite the fact that all my friends went away. And despite the fact that I wasn’t accepted by the group of girls I was with and don’t think I actually had that much fun from age 11-13.

As a result, I was always a bit behind when it came to my encounters with the opposite sex. At sleepaway camp, they start making out young and get to third base long before I ever got to first. I didn’t have my first kiss until I was a freshman in high school at 14 years old. I know that sounds pretty average now, but at the time, compared to all my friends who went away to camp, I was really, really old for this.

And this trend seemed to continue in my life far past the age my friends stopped going to Jewish sleepaway camp. I had a boyfriend when I was a junior in high school. We spent a LOT of time alone together. He would sneak into my apartment in the middle of the night and leave early in the morning via fire escape. We even took a day off school (I was great at signing my mom’s name on absence notes) and showered together. Why did we do that! I remember telling some girls in my theatre class about it (theatre class, or class that took place in the theatre due to lack of classroom space? I’m pretty sure it was the latter) and they couldn’t believe my boyfriend and I stood naked in the shower together and neglected to have sex.

But really — it just wasn’t a consideration. The idea of the two of us having sex never even crossed my mind. His either. And he’d done it before.

I wonder if my attitude toward sex was shaped by my distinct separation from my peers at that sleepaway/no sleepaway stage in our lives. Although I’m more inclined to think my mom did a really great job at making sure I understood that sex was a big deal with a lot of risks — with a stress on the emotional ones. And my closest girlfriend was pretty much in the same boat as me, and we were so inseparable that our normal was the normal. Well, almost.

And of course once I finally realized what I was missing at the ripe old age of 20, I made sure I got all caught up at lightning speed. But I always think about my camp decision; I wonder if I would have fit in better with girls at sleepaway (doubtful, with no access to a blow dryer and a Jewfro that rivals Diana Ross). I wonder if I would have attracted the attention of a boy. Or maybe I would have been on the sidelines as I watched all the prettier girls (read: naturally straight hair) “go out” with guys. I wonder if I would have been making out when I was 11 and giving blowjobs by 14 and if that would have shaped my attitude toward sex in a different way.

Of course, that doesn’t matter much now since there is no looking back and I am proud of (most of) the decisions I have made. I just can’t help but think about the alternate life I might have lived if I admitted to my mom I was unhappy at Jewish day camp; if I wasn’t self-conscious about my fro; if I experienced a common and bonding part of Jewish adolescence in the tri-state area.

Did you ever go to sleepaway camp? What kinds of experiences did you have there?