nycandlove blog

Today, I have reached a significant milestone: My twenty-fifth birthday.  I have been alive for a full quarter-century.  I am officially in my mid-twenties. I am five years away from being thirty.

At twenty-five, most of us are busy fostering and developing our careers. This is especially true in New York City. And New York City is not for everyone. It’s fast-paced and expensive and the street food really stinks. But if you’re a young and single twenty-something like me, there’s no better place on earth. And as a twenty-something that was recently laid off, there’s REALLY no better place on earth. But I’ll get to that a bit later.

Here’s the truth. Everyone in New York is busy and moving all the time. We are constantly on the search for the perfect all-you-can-drink-brunch spot, attempting to meet critical deadlines at work and attending to massive amounts of GTL (gym, tan, laundry). Despite it all, we somehow, inexplicably, try to find the time to date. And every now and then, we come across someone spectacular. But even after successful dates, we’re sometimes too busy to make the next move.

I get it. I’ve been there. I, too, WAS a busy professional myself. Sometimes, I was so wrapped up in work that by the time I got home during the week, I was so dead tired that I didn’t want to call anyone. I wanted to sit on my couch, catch up on the latest episode of How I Met Your Mother (hopefully this one would be THE one where I finally meet Ted’s wife) and order in a spicy crunchy tuna roll with miso soup.

But, here’s the thing. As I mentioned before, I was recently laid off. And the one AMAZING thing I discovered about getting laid off? Getting laid off means you have more time to get laid. (Happy freakin birthday to me! Thanks, HR.) I mean, I might not have health insurance for too much longer. Thus, I should try to avoid any drinking-related injuries until I’m gainfully employed again. (Yes, I had a mishap with a beer bottle recently that ended with a trip to the ER.) I might not be getting a paycheck for much longer once my severance checks run out. And sure, I’m now required to save small water bottles, fill them with cheap vodka, and discretely consume them while out on the town. But, hey! At least I have more time to date!

Think about it.  What better time to focus on finding love than when you’re unemployed? After all, money can’t buy you love AND dating takes a lot of time. And unemployment allows for more time to date, sending flirty texts and obsessing over Facebook pictures.  Yes, there are many ways in which getting laid off improves your dating life. Here are some of the reasons for love in the time of layoff.

Replace The Daily Grind With Just Grinding

Trying out that new recipe for sausage lasagna is really just code for doing it on top of the kitchen table. Discussing ways to keep you busy leads to you actually gettin’ busy. And here’s why. Most busy professionals don’t have time to indulge the sexual impulses pulsing through their brains each day like dust mites.  We may think about humpin’ and bumpin’ but we don’t really have the time. Once you trade in your dry-cleaned, button-down work shirt for a set of plaid pajamas, the dust clears. In a nutshell, unemployed people do it better—or at least they want to do it more. Layoffs send libidos straight up. And you FINALLY have time to do something about it. So go do IT. 

Primp Yourself Out A Bit

Chances are he isn’t going to notice how perfectly your shoes go with your outfit, or how expertly applied your makeup is on your face. Regardless, we (women especially) like to feel fresh and clean for a date. Unemployed? The days of quickly and awkwardly applying makeup in the office bathroom and hoping no one walks in mid eye-liner are over. Gasp!  Take a bath before your date. Heck, light some candles if you want. Rock a sexy, date-worthy outfit and put on your game face. I know some of you men out there get off on that sexy librarian look, but I’d bet any of you would take a blow-out and a bit of cleavage over a theory suit and a bun any day of the week.

Take Advantage Of Your Flexibility

Get your minds out of the gutter! No, I don’t mean in the bedroom. I’m referring to your actual daily routine. Most people fall quickly into daily routines. Day in and day out we go through the same motions, visit the same places, and see the same familiar faces. But when unemployed, we have an opportunity to mix things up a bit. Take different routes when you go places. Stop for coffee at various cafes. Go grab lunch with a friend. When you have a chance to hang out a bit, you will get to know new people. By taking advantage of the opportunity to increase your exposure, you will meet people you would not have met otherwise.

Get To Work On Working Out

You might be unemployed but you can look good doing it! When you don’t have a grueling 9-5 job, there is NO excuse for not exercising. Hit the gym every day! You can finally go to those spinning classes, too. Go join forces with the MILF’s and bankers that work it out during the day. (Those are really the only people at the gym during the day other than the jobless.) I mean, talk about an opportunity to find a part-time babysitting gig or to meet someone! Score yourself a little cash on the side while you try to score! I know, most of us don’t exactly look good after mile 3, but then again, who does? Don’t sweat it.

Get Hooked Up With Different Friends (And Maybe Hook Up, Too)

Learn how the other half live. Not the rich but those that work from home or are in school.  Here’s the deal. When we’re required to be at a desk all day, we meet friends for lunch that work proximate to our office. That’s the extent of our social life during the daylight hours. But, when unemployed, we have a whole new set of friends to hang out with. Take advantage of the chance to spend time with the people that also have flexible schedules. Reconnect with an ex hook from college that works from home. Sure, go meet him on the UWS! After all, you don’t have to rush home, throw on a suit, and underwrite a hotel at 9 AM.

Here’s the thing. I think being in your mid-twenties is something that no one prepares you for. Getting laid off is also something that no one prepares you for. For me, throughout the weeks leading up to my birthday (and my unexpected layoff), I started to analyze every aspect of my life. Why am I single? Where is my career headed? Do people even read my articles? When will I get married? My parents were married by now and had already had TWO kids by the time they were twenty-five! Crap. I can’t believe I’m twenty-five. I can’t believe I’m twenty-five AND single. I can’t believe I’m twenty-five AND unemployed!

Bottom line? I think twenty-five in general is an interesting age.  Most men are still emotionally twenty and focused on drinking and incapable of monogamy. Most women are still catty and manipulative and ready for relationships. A real divide exists between the people that still act like they’re in college and the people that live like they’re in their thirties. We spend our early twenties trying to carefully sort it out and figure out who our REAL friends are, where we want our career to go, and what type of relationship we’re looking for.

We choose between growing up, throwing up, and just hooking up.   Some friends choose monogamy over shots of patron. Others don’t. The truth is that we’re really all in different places. Some are single. Others wish they were. Some are employed. Some would take severance any day. Some are in grad school. Some haven’t done anything since graduation. Yeah, we might all be in different places but that doesn’t matter. We all have to run our own race. We can’t compare ourselves to others. And personally, I’ve made a few decisions. From here forward, I’m going to take stock of my life, take advantage of this opportunity to refocus, and move forward.

It’s time to look ahead. I’m going to apply my valued skills in the workplace (goal-setting, organization, efficiency) towards my personal life and figuring out my next move. And I’m going to throw my arms (not legs) wide open to anything that comes my way. Because that’s what you have to do in order to achieve an orgasmic life. We can focus on the positives or the negatives in each and every situation, but either way, life will happen. At the end of the day, some stuff will work out and other stuff simply won’t. That’s just life, regardless of age. We take things as they come, maintain a positive attitude and try not to worry about the things we can’t control. We learn from our experiences, we go at our own pace, and we make better decisions the second time around. Things don’t always work out. Things don’t always happen according to plan or when we expect them to or when we would like them to. We just have to try our best, keep going up to bat, and know that we’ll have good times and bad times. And when those bad times arrive, our expectations aren’t met, and shit hits the fan, which inevitably some of it will, I hope I’ll just be able to shrug my shoulders, look myself in the mirror and say “well, there’s always twenty-six.”