I am currently involved with two guys. Both relationships started in the middle of January. Both are going really well. And though I actually do know these guys in real life, both relationships are web-based.
(1) AC
I met AC at the start of the summer of 2008. We dated, had a great time together, and just a month into it he came over and ended things. I defriended him on Facebook and life went on. In January of this year, I wondered what he was up to and figured more than enough time has passed for us to be Facebook friends who never actually talk. I sent him a friend request; he accepted. Then, the unexpected: he sent me a message asking how I’ve been.
I thought that was a very nice and unnecessary gesture, so I responded with my old wit and charm that for some reason I only have on the intertubes and never in real life conversation. Then he wrote back. Then I wrote back. At any time he could have stopped writing. And sometimes days would go by but then, sure enough, my Facebook for BlackBerry app would blink with a message from AC.
Sometimes the messages are long. Sometimes they are short. Many are funny. Some are somber. We are now all caught up on work and on life. And the messages keep coming. He hasn’t made any mention of a real life meeting — and why should he, he already decided he doesn’t see a future with us — but I really can’t understand the point of this. Why the Facebook messages? What are we doing? Will we just Facebook message . . . forever??!
(2) Ryan
Ryan and I knew each other since we were pretty young, around 12 or 13. We went to the same Jewish camp. We weren’t friends but we were friends with the same people and our paths often crossed. Add to that the fact that we went to the same high school. It wasn’t until two years ago at the birthday of a mutual friend that we really talked for the first time, and afterwards we established an email friendship. It was a really nice way to get to know each other, two people in similar circles who never really connected previously. As it turned out we appreciated the same web comics and dinosaurs. We constantly emailed each other links to funny things from the internet. Inevitably, he asked me to hang out and I said yes. But then that day came and neither of us mentioned it. I didn’t mention it because I freaked out a little; perhaps he did as well? Or just forgot? I was relieved. And then we stopped emailing.
Weird, right. After a lot of time passed, maybe a year, he sent me something funny from the interweb that he thought I’d appreciate. I think I was busy, or couldn’t be bothered (I was dating my ex, who I was with for over a year) and I ignored it for the time being, until I ended up deleting it. Maybe 6 months later, another email. Again, I paid no attention to it. I think I just didn’t care either way? I don’t know. I really just forgot about how much fun our email relationship was. And to be honest, I kind of forgot Ryan even existed.
In January, we found ourselves in the same place once again, and after that our email romance heated right up, even better since lots of new funny websites have emerged over the last 2 years. We appreciate each other’s humor. I find him sexy in a “he’s not actually my type at all but hmmm” kind of way, and I’ve even dracebooked (drunk facebooked) him. I’d be willing to attempt a real life meetup this time around, but over a month in and . . . nothing. Nothing. Just the hilarious gems of the internet and the clever commentary that follows.
Again, I have to say: Why? What is the point of this? Why would these guys continue writing to me if they have no interest in seeing me in real life? My heart smiles and jumps a beat each time I see a message from either guy. And I am beginning to think I am being ridiculous.
I’d love some peace of mind here. Anyone care to offer an opinion? Have any of you ever been in a web-based romance?
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2 Comments
Flirting is fun and maybe this is an innocent way for them to indulge in that without having to actually commit to anything… real? That’s great for them, but if you’re not getting what YOU want out of it maybe it’s time to cut them loose.
I’m going to agree with J, in this case it seems like e-flirting is just fun. You even mentioned in your post how you feel clever and witty via email but not so much in person. I have had several email relationships for the one simple reason…they are damn fun! When I am in a serious relationship I refrain from my e-flings but when I’m bored and single seeing that inbox full of cute messages or even funny forwards is a great ego boost. At the end of the day I have come to realize that email affairs are pure fantasy.
Sadly, more often than not, the fantasy is WAY better than the reality. In an email you get the rare opportunity take the time to craft your message, to be simultaneously sexy, witty and charming. It’s hard to do that on the fly over dinner unless you’re Casanova or Johnny Depp (He could read the dictionary and I would still find it charming). The reason we cling to these relationships is because the person is frankly perfect. Unfortunately, not many of us can live up to the image they have created in their emails. In person, we all make mistakes, stumble over our words, chew with our mouths open, and even play with our phones over dinner (although I hope not many do the last two!) So enjoy it. The way I figure if you have 10 e-flings and one works out that’s better then 10 bad dates because you saved yourself some time (valuable Fridays), money (getting dressed up and cute) and energy (coming home disappointed from a horrific date). Good luck!