He was tall, dark and handsome. Not to mention Jewish. I was really rather fond of this guy.Truth be told, I kind of liked him. But then he mentioned that he lives on the Upper East Side. Immediately, the flags shot up – red, purple, blue, orange. The only time I go to the Upper East Side is to visit my family on the Jewish holidays. And, sure. The Upper East Side isn’t a deal breaker, but it’s certainly not geographically desirable given I live in Tribeca.
Here’s the thing. This thing called love is as common downtown as it is uptown. Yeah, it’s pretty much the same old annoying disturbance and tenuous affair everywhere. We openly worry and focus on height, religion, and intelligence. But an important aspect of dating we also focus on is the distance that can exist between two people. I’m not talking about the emotional, psychological or cultural distance. I’m talking about the actual geographic distance. The city blocks that may separate two lovers.
Should a potential mates proximity to your subway stop matter? Should you only date someone that uses the same equinox gym?
This issue of location is integral and imperative to any relationship meant to evolve beyond email, text messaging and gchat. And especially in New York City, where people are busy juggling careers and dating, people inevitably are deemed either geographically desirable or undesirable depending on their cross streets.
Yes. I would prefer to date someone within walking distance. Or under a $5 cab ride. Absolutely. That’s a given. Trust me. If iPhone would just create an app to inform me which men at the bar live in my neighborhood with a quick point and click, I’d be more than willing to jump the blackberry ship and become a full-fledged addicted Mac user. But since that hasn’t happened, I sometimes do meet geographically undesirable men. And I do, truth be told, get a little less excited. Ha! Is that wrong? Admit it, you know what I mean.
Maybe there are some positives to a bit of geographic distance. Afterall, the thought of dating someone who lives in the same building or neighborhood should be daunting. Because if the relationship ends badly, that will be the end of privacy. And we all know there is no town smaller, or more gossip-ridden, than a New York City high-rise. Then again, dating someone nearby just makes life easier. Being able to run home after a sleepover and change before work is awesome. Sure, with the right person, we’d settle on packing an overnight bag. Regardless, most would prefer not to have to. And many New Yorkers, whether they’ll admit it or not, give guys more of a chance when they live nearby, in close proximity, or a quick cab ride away.
Bottom line? We never know how, where, or when we will meet “the one”. You might meet him while vacationing in London. Then again, you could meet him when you’re smack in the middle of a busy time at work. And you could meet the right guy while partying for St. Patty’s Day in Hoboken (this weekend for those of you interested). And I certainly wouldn’t pass up someone fantastic because he lives on a different subway line.
I’ll admit it. It was easier to date someone that lived across the street from me than across town. (Yes, I’ve done both.) But at the end of the day, geography is just one ingredient in this stew we call dating. And with the right person. Heck, I don’t know. I guess maybe the Upper East Side wouldn’t be so bad. And hey, at least it’s almost passover!
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6 Comments
I was actually just thinking about this and how if I dated someone who lived in Brooklyn, how would I make it to my exercise classes?! I guess if it’s the right person you make it work.
I live in NJ and my girlfriend lives 1 hour, 15 minutes away in an Outer Borough. It’s a distance, but we make it work. Sure, I wish I could see her on the spur of the moment and I wish there weren’t a relatively large expense involved in getting out to her, but I love her, she loves me and the extra effort to get to her is well worth it.
There are some advantages to dating someone who lives in the suburbs. Road trips are easier when your Sig. Other has a car. Do you like hiking, kayaking, or skiing? Again, hanging out in the suburbs makes that easier. My girlfriend loves to go running and actually enjoys running where I live. Instead of taking a subway to Central Park to have an uncongested place to run, she can just step out my front door and start running right there. Don’t many of you New Yorkers who want to have children plan to move to the suburbs eventually anyway? Finally, your suburbanite boyfriend will _still_ be spending a lot of time with you in NY anyway. You can still do Broadway, wine bars, Mets games etc.
Err, there are only 90 single men for every 100 single women in New York, the worst gender ratio for women of any major American city and a raw number that doesn’t include the fact that there are more gay men than gay women in NY. It would thus behoove the women of New York to give suburban men (whose personalities and looks they find appealling) a chance. Look at it as an opportunity to get to know a new environment.
@NJ
I think your point is very valid, if you love someone you can make any situation work, however when you’re starting a new relationship and you already have a busy work/life schedule sometimes convenience is an attractive quality, but that doesn’t mean if you meet the right person you shouldn’t date them just because they live far away!
A lot of people aren’t ready to meet their SO and are just looking for something casual… and if that’s the case the rules are very different.
“Better to be with the right person in the wrong place than the wrong person in the right place.”
Remember, someone’s location is temporary compared to his/her interests, personality, values, and partnership qualities. Character is permanent, but residence is temporary. If you are only looking for something casual then it makes more sense to really consider convenience, but when you are looking for something more serious then it makes sense to br open-minded, cast a wide net, and look forward to the experience of getting to visit a new place. Hey, if you are dating a suburbanite and he or she is willing to come in to see you for that first date (unfortunately we always do have to come in on the first date), then it means the person really likes you. Frankly the willingness to travel is a test of genuine interest.
Since when is love ever convenient? Both situations come with their own set of problems. If you are willing to hope a train, take 45 minute car ride or make three subway changes to see someone, you are going to make damn sure they are worth it. I guess it’s a quality over quantity and convenience issue. And from what NJ said about the ratios of straight men to women, maybe casting a wider net could help your chances of finding that “true” love stuff everyone keeps talking about.
I’m living in Tribeca, which is probably the most underrated part of Manhatttan that is unfortunately losing its underrated status and becoming the just the place to be. And once it’s just the place to be, well, nobody wants to be there anymore because then it’s just overrated and lame. But even though the cobblestones streets and high ceiling lofts are becoming increasingly occupied by high society, it’s still a pain in the ass to convince even the most inebriated of women to schlep down to your apartment after a long night of drinking and walking around in their Louboutins. The alternative is to be a sucker, like myself, whose girlfriend (at least that’s what she would call it, I would call it one of the girls I’m hooking up with), Brooke, lives on the upper east side and refuses to come downtown, thereby making me shell out 20 bucks for a cab each way (that’s $40 roundtrip) only to get into a fight once we get there about the relationship’s travel arrangements. I’m then forced to sleep on the couch and not have sex.