nycandlove blog

There is a lot of potential for failure on a first date. The restaurant you’ve chosen could be closed, your romantic stroll in the park could be rained off or you might just not have any chemistry. However tragically unforeseen these scenarios sound it doesn’t excuse how many men unknowingly sabotage their first dates by committing what women, and men, consider to be first date faux pas. It’s time to wisen up and learn from the mistakes of others…

Going to the movies is the worst first date ever…

A first date is about getting to know someone, figuring out if there’s spark and deciding if you want to go on a second date. While I love a good romantic comedy as much as the next guy — I can even quote most of Pretty Woman — a trip to the cinema is akin to taking your date to the library, except you need to be quieter and people get especially angry if you talk.

If you absolutely must watch a film, save it for the second date and do it in an environment where it can be on in the background, for example at a summer screening in Central Park or at home.

Not being decisive about the venue

I get it. You work seventeen hour days, you have to entertain clients and you spend your life eating in fancy restaurants, but that doesn’t excuse the fact that you need to be the one to choose the venue. Asking her to “pick a place she wants to go” doesn’t send the right message; it’s more “I don’t really care enough to choose” than “I’m genuinely interested in you and want you to like me.”

My suggestion is to have a few places you love, where you have good rapport with the staff, where you feel comfortable and can be the best version of yourself. If you haven’t found that place yet then it’s time to start exploring.

Splashing the cash

You meet the girl of your dreams and you think the only way she’ll ever go out with you is if you splash the cash and whisk her off her feet. You organize a limo, front row ballet seats, dinner at Per Se and drinks after somewhere with table service and magnums of champagne.

At the end of the night you might get the desired result, but is she dating you for you or for your cash? Have you set unrealistic expectations? How long can you afford to keep this up? If your answer to the last question is “forever,” keep doing what you’re doing, but for us mere mortals this is a surefire way to trap yourself.

Manners maketh man

Having good manners is not difficult. Open cab doors, use your knife and fork, hold your spoon correctly, keep your elbows off the table, don’t click your fingers at the waiter, don’t lick your knife or your plate clean… it’s not rocket science! Everyone appreciates good manners, it’s a way to show others that you respect them.

When your first date comes to a close it’s the little details that the other person will remember most. Holding the door, helping a random old lady across the street (true story), waiting for her to start eating before picking up your knife and fork, offering the bread before you take your piece… If you’ve been called a mannerless oaf you only have yourself to blame.

Stay on topic

It’s important to stay on topic, which is to say, don’t go off-topic. This includes the following prohibited list:

1. Religion
2. Politics
3. Ex-girlfriends/boyfriends
4. Sex
5. Medical conditions

The first two should be pretty obvious, after all it’s a date not a debate, but all too often people make the big mistake of talking about their ex’s on a first date, especially those who have just come out of a relationship and have it fresh on their mind. Even if you’re over your ex just talking about them sends the message that you’re not.

Talking about sex is fun and flirty. However talking about it on a first date can send the message that you’re only after one thing. Maybe keep the locker room banter locked up where it belongs.

A first date is your chance to make a first impression, which means being positive and outgoing. No one likes a complainer so keep the topic away from your recent hemorrhoidal flare up.

Stay focused

What? Sorry… I wasn’t listening. What was I doing? Oh… urm… I definitely wasn’t staring at the hot waitress.

There are two things wrong with the previous sentence. Firstly, it’s pardon, not what (see previous section about manners if you don’t understand this), and secondly you need to keep your eye on the ball. And by ball I mean your date, not the basketball game on in the background, because if there’s one thing that’ll send your date running for the hills it’s a wandering eye…

I’d also suggest keeping your phone on silent and out of sight for obvious reasons.

Stay sober-ish

Having a drink or two on your first date is a great way to loosen up and get conversation flowing, but getting sloppy makes you look like an alcoholic. Now admittedly getting someone drunk, taking them home and making some bad decisions is something we’ve all done, but the next day when you wake up hung over mentally high five-ing yourself she’s thinking “what did I do last night?” As pointed out earlier the ultimate conclusion for a first date is to work out if you want to go on a second date. How are you supposed make an educated guess if you can’t remember what happened the night before?

Is that all I have to do?

Of course not… avoiding the faux pas mentioned on this list isn’t any kind of guarantee your first date will go well, but hopefully you’ll give your first impression a second thought.

What are your first date faux pas? Have you had an awful first date? Tell us about it!