Ladies of New York City, I’m talking to you…so listen up.
A couple of weekends ago, I went to brunch with one of my oldest and best guy friends. He’s my best friend from when we were young. Like we go wayyyy baaaack. Anyway, he’s the heterosexual, interested-in-ladies type. And, I should mention, our friendship is COMPLETELY platonic. No accidental drunken make-outs or getting to second base in our puberty days. We’re just friends. For real. Now, at first glance, my buddy comes off as incredibly witty, attractive, understanding and kind. Which he is…to ME. BUT, to other girls, he can in fact be a player. For the most part, when it comes to his social agenda, he has only one agenda. He looks out for numero uno (and some good ‘ol fun) in any and all situations.
Here’s the thing though. He’s legit up front about the fact that he can be kind of a jerk. He’s fully aware of the way that he treats other girls. He doesn’t try to hide it. He’s open about the fact that he’s usually just looking for a good time. And as a platonic friend, well, he’s actually the best friend a girl could ask for. Being friends with him is truly a constant eye opening experience. Since we are close friends, its not like he has anything to hide from me about his hookups, thoughts on girls, and on how guys should approach dating. Even when I ask nicely, he won’t sugarcoat it, he doesn’t beat around the bush, and he won’t lie to me. As the saying goes – like a nice, kosher hot dog, he is 100% real beef, 100% of the time.
He gives me concise – and brutally honest – advice.
At times, I just need to complain to someone. Heck, we all do! But other times, I just want to hang out and not be badgered with questions. I need to hang out with someone who won’t encourage my (always incredibly unhelpful and unproductive) obsessing and over analyzing. In other words, he gets the job done. And he get’s it done well. He gives me the straight up, no chaser, no bullshit, kind of feedback that I (always and constantly) need.
In fact, on our recent brunch date, he offered me some much needed dating advice. Despite my splitting headache, I took a large sip of my bloody mary and braced myself.
It doesn’t matter how much he’s contacting you. It doesn’t matter if he’s reaching out every freakin day. If he’s not making plans to see you… he’s probably juggling many other girls simultaneously and keeping you in the rotation.
Well, I will tell you one thing! He sure is a clear and direct communicator. Thanks, babe.
He’s always incredibly entertaining.
Every time we talk, he has a new story for me. He has a new girl(s) he’s digging. He has some new, crazy, adventure of a dating mishap or stage five clinger. Nothing surprises me with this guy. In fact, I remember one morning when we were rehashing a night out in the Hampton’s.
I ran into this chick I’ve known for a while. I took her home and we’ve been hanging out a bunch. She’s definitely into it. Anyway, she’s leaving the country for the rest of the summer in a few weeks, so I’ll have an easy out.
Yeah, nice. Typical. Really nice.
I guess, perhaps, I enjoy the inside perspective. If I didn’t have a friend like him I don’t think I would be so informed. I don’t think I’d be so entertained. I don’t think I’d have as much material for my blog posts!!
Here’s my point. Most guys at least TRY to hide their a-hole player side. (For the record, I know not all guys are bad.) I’m a nice person. And I’m looking for a nice guy. And it can be difficult to read between the sweet text messages, the comforting cuddles and the extravagant dinners.
He sets me up with good guys.
As a player himself, he can easily identify and recognize like-minded individuals. Basically, he knows which guys are the “good” ones. That being said, I know what I’m getting when he sets me up with someone. It helps to cut out a lot of the bullsh*t and saves me time. I owe him a lot for that. He can size up any guy that I’m seeing over a quick beer. And he’s not afraid to hurt my feelings and let me know when the dude is a total squid.
So bottom line? It’s incredibly worthwhile to befriend someone who is straight up about the fact that he is sometimes an a-hole and about the fact that some guys you meet will be too. Through being friends with him, most other guys seem better in comparison. And when I, inevitably, meet a douche-bag, I at least can see through him much more quickly and can get advice on how he operates much more effectively. And if or when I can’t, my bff will have my back and let me know.
That being said, just make sure to watch your back as well. And if you happen to meet my friend “so-and-so,” just be careful. And don’t say I didn’t warn you…